September has been an interesting month for me... Just when you think you know all the answers, you listen to a song or see a person and it all gets shot to hell.In the last month my life has become a soap opera (o how i hate soap operas). I feel as though everything i am doing is meaningless and leading me to nothing (wel except for hanging out with my mate Alcohol and going to gigs woo!).
I hate where i work for the simple fact that my nemesis works in the same place (can't quit just yet because i need cash-gaaah). September for uni means 100 thousand assignments, prac exams and 2 weeks prac. Dont get me wrong i love the fact that my chosen profession will enable me to help others but my passion lies else-where. And well the love life is sucking. I have fallen out of love with someone. What makes matters worse is that everybody else loves him. It sucks that i can only type these things on my blog that no one reads, rather than telling someone lol. In the past month i have grown apart from the one i used to call the one. Its just not there any more and im stuck. He never comes out with me when i ask him and the fact of the matter is that he is not ment for me (for more reasons than one). How can i be with someone who does not enjoy going to gigs and moshing to a great band? I think that these moments should be spent with the one you love. I have had pleanty of good nights at different gigs and the more i go to the less i want him there. How does someone just fall out of love? I used to think that was impossible but now i beg to differ. What really stinks is that i cant find a song to help me. Paradise by the Dashboard light by the incredible Meatloaf was the only song i could think of because of the epic line, "And now i'm praying for the end of time so i can end my time with you.". I know what i must do its just doing it thats the hard part. I may need to consult my buddy Alcohol for this one hehe.
so yes...kill me now.
"Its not you, its me"
"sorry, but you're gay"
"I never ment for this to happen"
"You don't like Star Wars, and think that me dressing up as a Jedi sux- Dumped!"
"there is someone else."
Oh what to say??
OK enough of the crap. Im not the complaining type (pfffttt).
To get a better insight on how im feeling just look at Anikin's face LOL.
So this weekend was a long one, yay.
It started off with an invite from Dave to go out on the fri night, some place in freo-woop.
I agreed at first and was looking foward to it until my brother reminded me that it was his birthday! Ahhh, how could i forget? Silly Sally i am. To make matters worse i didn't even have a birthday present for him. I had planned to go into the city and meet Lee, Berdo and Dave for lunch so figured id just get him a gift in there. The little terror wrote me up a wish list (i guess for forgetting) which composed of nothing under the $60 mark... Nice one my little hoe bro. I ended up buying him a DS game 70 bucks later. Ate lunch with Berdo and Dave, Edo's is always a hit. Anyhoo's the day ended up with me being late to pick up my other brother from school and not being able to find an outfit for Spring in the Valley :(
Friday night was nice with all the family i guess. As nice as it can get...
Saturday resulted in a full day of work (gaahh!). From 8am right through to 6pm. No grand final for me. I didnt really mind im not a HUGE fan of the football but i can tolerate it. I had plans to go to a 21st that night but that fell through (unfortunate i know....NOT!). So instead of spending the night putting on a fake smile with the bf i called Lee and made plans to go to the Pado. It wasnt until after i invited Ben n Berdo to meet us in the city did Lee then tell me that the Pado is in Mt Hawthorn. Not the city. Woopz. After a few ales and an epic blow off line "I'd rather be sooo yeaterday than talk another minute with you", my older hoe bro joe came and saved us (little did i know at the time that Lee didn't want to leave which would result in her being PISSED at me for the entire night). Finally arrived in the city to meet Ben and Berdo. Would have liked to stay along the Murray St strip however, Lee insisted on heading over to The Castle. After an hour and a half walk (sore feet and a mouth full of Berdo ripping into be becaouse he could-lol) we did however, end up back on Murray St. By this time i had burnt off all the alcohol i had previously consumed and needed a drink! So we had a few at Bobby Daz (along with a couple of smokes for the non-smokers) and then headed over Fast Eddies for pancakes and wedges :)
Throughout the night i learned a few things...
1. There is some one else out there who likes Meatloaf (not the food might i add).
2. Wedges taste rather nice dipped in maple syrup.
3. I can blow $100 faster than i thought.
4. I will never again wear a dress and heels to a pub.
5. You can still be a non-smoker and smoke :)
6. Next time when i bribe someone to come out with me i will make it a little more worthwhile.
7. I infact do not miss the bf when im out (errr).
Ok so maybe a learned a bit more than a few things.
Sunday was an ok day.
I had made plans with my older cousin and his wife to have a movie day starting from 11am and ending at all hours of the night. I forgot the bf was invited to... Lucky two of my brothers came so i didn't have to spent the whole time avoiding him.
The day started with a sausage in a bun and Borat. Yes Borat. The idea seemed cool at the time but i was just not feeling it. This movie was followed by Point Break. This movie i digged. Not only was it an early 90's flick with the corny one liners and bad cop and robber chase scenes, but Keanu Reeves was the main actor mmmm. So this one i could tolerate. Iron Man was next, pretty good i guess. As far as action heros go. I liked the fact that i was in a 'fuck it' mood and the Iron man character was full of smart ass comments. I also liked the soundtrack, i mean the opening scene started with Back in Black. Nice. Dinner was to follow with home made Pizza's made by me and the cousin (still minimal conversing happening between me and the bf- however, bf still oblivious to my feelings.. errr). After dinner and a bit of whatever we did to kill the time we watched the movie Identity. Now this one is more my kind of movie :)
Some blood mixed in with the plot jumpping all over the place and a stormy night as part of the setting, i guess you can say i was content.
However, i couldn't wait to leave that place. Just to be free of this guilty feeling i had.
So i guess by the end of the blog i might sound like a bad person. I also think that i have portrayed the bf to be a bad guy too. This is not the case. He is really a nice person. Fun at times and an ass at other times. Pretty good looking to, with long shaggy hair and green eyes. Likes Rock and Metal music. He also does Kung Foo which is cool. He treats me well, dont get me wrong and like any other person he has his flaws. He does love me too and will do anything for me. And i must sound like a complete idiot for wanting to let this one go. But i cant be with someone when im thinking "what if" all the time. I cant be with him if im thinking of someone else (even if that someone else is just an infatuation or a potential bf). He is just not the one. He lacks in the small places where i need him to be there.
Hell, im hoping for a sign or something. I don't have any balls and this may only stay written rather than put into action. Gaaahhh why am i such a whimp?
I have not even told my best friend because im afraid of being judged. This is stricly between me and the internet (hahahahaha!). I love the fact that in my state (of being a basket-case), i can still take the piss. A quality i will never lose :)
The point of this task was to really get this off of my chest. My blog is new and next to no one will read it.
But an epiphany would be nice.
